Editions of Me

First day of school tomorrow. I don't think I will never stop getting nervous the night before the first day. But I think that's a good thing - maybe it means that I still care enough about doing my job. (I do! I'm really going to try and keep my crap together this year.) I think that, when I stop feeling anything, it will mean that I should be looking for a new job.

I still want to move here: I still want this.

So, by August 24, 2011: Hopes: - Lose at least 30 pounds, if not the full 50 - Pass all my WFTDA skills - Find a home for the Mizfitz to skate in (that's my hope for the whole team, not myself personally) Dreams: - Skate in a bout! - Find a job in Portland and move? Plans: - Attend my 10 year high school reunion - Watch my officers graduate *sniffles* - Celebrate Jolie's 2nd birthday Best kids ever! They make everything worth it.

Literally, right now, there's nothing in my purse, because most of the time, I grab my wallet and carry it in my pocket or in my hands, and my phone/keys are usually in my pockets. But, assuming I had no pockets, and I was going somewhere more important than just Target: Wallet - yes, it matches my purse. iPhone Philosophy's Be Somebody lotion - but since they only sell big bottles, I had to put some of it into a travel-sized bottle in order to be able to carry it around with me. I love the way it smells Fresh Sugar lip balm - AWESOME stuff Keys - that's right, I drive a Toyota. My key fob, though, also has a button for my hatch. Canon Powershot SX120 - you never know when a photo op will present itself, especially with Jolie around But like I said, most of the time, I roll with just my wallet, keys, and phone, and everything else stays home. I travel light because most of the time, I am carrying Jolie AND her diaper bag around with me.

No surprise here - I'm an emotional spender. Actually, I'm an emotional eater too. (And there have been lots of studies linking overeating with over-spending.) My upbringing is that deadly combination of privileged, upper-middle-class self-entitlement and Asian family party feasts! Unfortunately, I am a lowly teacher, and high blood pressure and diabetes run in my family. So I'm fat and poor. I know I need to make changes in my lifestyle, but it's SO hard for me. You can't JUST STOP. It doesn't work that way. It's like trying not to scratch an itch.

I have to pick one of these for the website. I think I will do the second one, which is the same one that's currently my FB profile picture. Major props to Crasharella, who was the photographer. She actually made me look gorgeous!

I don't think I can be as detailed about this as I was about my day. I'm going to have to look at my calendar and see what I did. What I did this week: Monday and Tuesday were my first days back at school, but not even in an official paid capacity - I am an assistant coordinator for our school's Link Crew program. Link Crew is a national program designed by The Boomerang Project, in which incoming freshmen are "linked" in groups to an upperclassman Link Leader - it's kind of like a peer mentoring thing. The point is that if the freshmen all have SOMEONE who has been through what they're about to go through, they will be better able to adjust to life at the high school level. The BFD for Link Crew is Freshman Orientation, which has a component that is completely student-led - each Link Leader takes his/her group of freshmen to a classroom ALL BY THEMSELVES and leads them through various icebreakers and thoughtful activities, and there is definitely a se

I'll try my best! I'm getting old, my memory is not as good as it used to be. Got up at 6:30am. Took a shower. Wanted to wear my new derby shirts that I made, but the letters need to be ironed down some more (peeling at the corners), so that was out. Made a bottle for Jolie - we snuggle together in the morning while she has her bottle, so it's nice lovely quiet time. Occasionally she offers me her bottle, which I pretend to drink and she laughs at me when I make exaggerated smacking-my-lips sounds. Then she threw a crying tantrum when I had to put her back in her crib so I could leave to go to school. (As soon as I leave the room, she pretty much stops crying. She went right back to sleep.) Got to school by about 8am. Supervising at senior registration - we are selling senior class sweatshirts and senior packages (the package includes tickets to Grad Nite at Magic Mountain and to our senior picnic, as well as a senior class t-shirt). Stood around in the sun until 11:30,

Right now I live in a condo, and I can't stand my neighbors. Since I can't think of anything nice to say, I won't say anything at all.

I'm posting this because we were talking about it recently at practice. This block is legendary . Beyonslay is a blocker for Gotham Girls Roller Derby , and in 2008 at the East Coast Extravaganza tournament, she takes the jammer, Rice Rocket from Texas Rollergirls , for a little Slay Ride. BEST BLOCK EVER!. (And please note that Rice Rocket takes it like a champ and just gets right back up. Because that's how we roll in roller derby.)

Our mission is to enable people to make a living making things, and to reconnect makers with buyers. Our vision is to build a new economy and present a better choice: Buy, Sell, and Live Handmade. Etsy is no secret, but I think it's worth highlighting all the same. It's an online marketplace to buy or sell handmade products, crafting supplies, or vintage items. Hence, you can see why it's very well known among the crafting community. For sellers, it's very easy and very cheap to start your Etsy store and list your items for sale. For buyers... oh, it's SO easy to lose track of time browsing the awesome, gorgeous items people have for sale. You can buy jewelry, you can buy knitted items (or even handspun or handpainted yarn, or handmade needles!), you can buy clothing - one of my good friends found her wedding dress on Etsy! And it was not ridiculously priced! Here's a sampling of some of the awesome things that have caught my eye. (If you're rea

I'm really not much of a cook. All my recipes are from, like, Food Network. However, I love making sweets, and I especially love doing holiday sweets - on more than one occasion, I've done goody baskets/boxes for my friends and family at Christmas time. The holidays are a huge deal for me (as I'm sure they are for a lot of people). The air just feels like magic. (Well, once you are clear of the manic, stressed-out shoppers suffering from tunnel vision.) Twinkling lights, cinnamon in my hot chocolate, the huge spreads of food during our holiday celebrations, watching my little cousins eyeing the presents... it's a fun time for me because I'm very big on family. And eating. And also, December is my birthday month, so in the midst of all the holiday-ness, I get to celebrate being alive as well.  This white chocolate peppermint fudge has always been a big hit. I wish I could say it was my recipe, but alas, I got it from a holiday baking recipe magazine that I spot

A hobby? More like an obsession! I am utterly, madly, totally crazy about makeup. I even keep a makeup blog , though it doesn't get many readers. I know some people think makeup is frivolous and shallow, but I beg to differ. I don't wear makeup just to be a pretty girl. Makeup, for me, is an art form - other people work with pencils or paint or pastels, so why can't I work with powders and creams and gels and call it art? Makeup isn't just about looking good, it's about being able to change your persona with the stroke of a brush. It's self-expression using your actual self (your face). I love seeing how colors and texture and finish come together. I love how one little thing can completely change my face. Also, I wear makeup for myself and myself alone. No one's pressuring me to do it. Jimmy couldn't care less (in fact, he wishes I wasn't so obsessed with it). I'm not submitting to a societal expectation. I'm just making myself happy. I

Knitting, also a hobby of mine (that's tomorrow's blog topic), has developed into a talent. I first learned to crochet years ago, but really started tackling it in the spring of 2006, as a stress reliever when I started teaching. A few months later, I decided I wanted to learn how to knit as well, after spotting this issue of Vogue Knitting (at right) on the newstand and falling in love with the skirt on the cover. It was my dream project, and I vowed to make the skirt one day. It took me months alone to get the motions down. Most people don't realize this, but knitting and crochet are opposite in terms of how they work. With crochet (which involves one hook ), there are a few different stitches you have to memorize how to do (single crochet, double crochet, triple crochet, half double crochet, etc), but the motions are pretty much all the same - hook the yarn, pull through. With knitting (which involves two needles ), there are only two stitches you really need to know

Is it a cop-out to say that I have no desire to have a wedding? Because it's true - weddings make me think "tradition," "stress," and "fairy-tale princess fantasy wish fulfillment," and none of those things appeal to me. I have no interest in spending thousands of dollars on a foofy white dress that I'll wear only once, on flowers that will die, on invitations that people will toss in the trash. I have nothing against the institution of marriage (I do plan to marry someday, even if I don't actually want a wedding), and I don't even mind attending other people's weddings (as long as they are people I care about - I can't tell you how many distant-distant-distant relatives' weddings I've had to attend, and they were excruciating!) But I have no interest in having one of my own, and I certainly don't care a lick for the societal pressure to do it bigger and badder than everyone else. I've never wanted to be a princess

Front page, baby! I've been totally psyched about derby lately. Practices have been going really well for me - I can definitely see my improvement since the end of bootcamp - and our league is totally getting some exposure! We're on the front page of the Morgan Hill Times this week (I picked up two copies!) and on the online version of the article, there's a video clip of us practicing! (If you get through the weird blank part in the middle, you can see me jam and take a whip from Amber starting at around 6:33!! Woot!!! SO glad I didn't mess that one up!) The Mizfitz have more than doubled since the first practice I went to in June, and we're still growing (we don't even have a ref squad yet! Just one ref!) I got one of my friends from high school to join and she loved her first practice, and all of us girls are getting closer and bonding and learning how to work together and scrimmage. It's funny, I've only known some of these girls for a month, m

I LOVE Gil Elvgren's pinup art. They're beautiful, sexy, glamorous, and just totally timeless. (Okay, yeah, nevermind the fact that the women who posed for these paintings were often put in extreme, very uncomfortable positions... )

Thanks, Miranda!

(I know, I'm totally cheating by blitzing through all these blog topics.) I don't have a specific type of house in mind (I know nothing about architecture), but here's what I would love to have IN my dream house (pictures are nabbed from around the Internet, and do not belong to me):

If I've learned anything in the past few months, it's that I'm ultimately going to gravitate toward whatever is easiest and most convenient. While I'm deep in thought and staring at the ceiling, a Jenny Craig commercial comes on, so here we go. Cordless in hand, I dial. Kirstie Alley answers and shrieks, " Yay! Where else can you lose weight and eat fettucine?" I shriek too, hanging up the phone. Five tries later, I finally get through her whole recorded greeting without exploding into laughter. I make an appointment with a local center for later this morning. As I slowly drag my stiff, sore body up the stairs to get ready, I refrain from my usual inner dialogue, which generally sounds like, Yay, me, for trying! Let's have a cookie! I've let myself get away with far too much stupid, self-destructive behavior over the years because I gave myself mad props for effort, not success. The endeavor doesn't count in this situation. There's

With a little luck, you'll dismiss this labor, react as Zampano had hoped, call it needlessly complicated, pointlessly obtuse, prolix - your word - , ridiculously conceived, and you'll believe all you've said, and then you'll put it aside - though even here, just that one word, "aside," makes me shudder, for what is ever really just put aside? - and you'll carry on, eat, drink, be merry and most of all you'll sleep well. Then again there's a good chance you won't. This much I'm certain of: it doesn't happen immediately. You'll finish and that will be that, until a moment will come, maybe in a month, maybe a year, maybe even several years. You'll be sick or feeling troubled or deeply in love or quietly uncertain or even content for the first time in your life. It won't matter. Out of the blue, beyond any cause you can trace, you'll suddenly realize things are not how you perceived them to be at all. For some reason,

First off... I'm not okay with the casual throwing-around of terms like "OCD" and "bipolar" and joking around about cutting. These are real and serious disorders, and it's not cool to make light of what these people are going through. Okay, that said... something I am very finicky and particular about? I'm pretty meticulous about how I organize my music on my computer. The band names have to be the same (no "Rolling Stones" and "The Rolling Stones" - it's one or the other), the album artwork has to be there, etc, etc. Songs that aren't accompanied by the rest of the album need to have the album name removed from the tags... yeah, my iTunes library is very carefully labeled and organized. For one thing, it keeps me from having duplicate mp3s, and it makes scrolling through my iPod a lot easier. (I don't end up with "Smiths" and "The Smiths" and "Smiths, The" and so on and so forth.) My tast

Ardell Accents #305

I know, I'm doing like, a bunch of these all at the same time, which defeats the purpose, but... oh well. It's easier to do all the photo ones at once, I think. Day 9: A photo you took Jimmy from a few years ago. He was playing the piano in his garage when I took this. I just really like the light/dark - the piano is stationed in front of a window. I almost never post photos of Jimmy on my blog (mostly because I'm not sure he would appreciate it if I did), but this time, he gets to be featured :) Day 10: A photo taken over 10 years ago of you Me as a baby. I placed this photo side-by-side with one of Jolie, and people could not tell the difference (except for Jolie's hemangioma... but then again, one of my parents' friends was like, "HEY, her birthmark has faded!!!!" Hahaha) You can see the comparison shot here . Day 11: A photo of you recently Skating at an expo with my Mizfitz! In a relatively short amount of time, derby has become very impo

Angry. Definitely angry. The thought of Fred Phelps and Westboro Baptist Church alone makes me want to kick someone (probably Phelps himself) in the nuts with my skates on. But seeing children, who really don't know better one way or the other, sporting that slogan probably because their parents told them to and not really realizing the significance of such a statement... really makes my blood boil. This right here? This is what I'm trying to stop.

No explanation needed.

So, I've been deathly afraid of trying false lashes because... they're just intimidating, I don't know why. And yet, I LOVE the look of them - I haven't been able to find a single mascara that can quite capture the majesty of a huge feathery fringe of lashes. I finally decided I needed to suck it up and give it a try, because I recently ordered Urban Decay's HBIC false lashes (and I just placed an order for Instaglam Technicolor ), and if I want to wear them, I'm going to have to brave the glue and learn it. So I started off with a NYX pair that I received as an extra in a swap. I figure, if I mess them up, I'm not out, like, 16 bucks. And I have to say... pretty good, pretty good! (These are EL 103 - Sugarlicious .) So then I decided to try out my HBIC lashes. And WOW, they were way more dramatic than even I had thought (and I knew they would be!) I bought these to be a part of my derby "boutfit," but I have, like, zero peripheral visi

 Favorite food: Pho Favorite album: Radiohead's OK Computer Favorite store: Sephora Favorite makeup brand: Urban Decay Favorite sport: Roller derby Favorite Beatle: John Lennon Favorite place to eat: Mio Sushi in Portland, OR Favorite place I've traveled to: London, England Favorite color: purple Favorite thing that I teach: my film unit Favorite yarn to knit with: Twinkle Soft Chunky Favorite thing that I've made: Sylvie Favorite magazine: BUST Favorite celebrity crush: Viggo Mortenson Favorite style icon: Dita Von Teese Favorite way to kill time: Reorganizing my makeup collection Favorite yarn store: Yarndogs in Los Gatos Favorite vampire: Damon Salvatore Favorite scent: citrus Favorite baseball team: San Francisco Giants

"I want to think quietly, calmly, spaciously, never to be interrupted, never to have to rise from my chair, to slip easily from one thing to another, without any sense of hostility, or obstacle." - Virginia Woolf, "The Mark on the Wall" I post this one everywhere. (If you look over yonder to my sidebar on my blog, it's probably there.) It's my favorite quote because I identify with it intensely - it's almost like my personal mission statement. The short way to summarize it would probably be, "I want things to be easy," but that makes it sound like laziness, which it isn't. It's not "I want things to be easy so I don't have to exert any effort" - it's more like, "I want things to be easy so I can go with the flow and relax and not be so tense all the time" It's a need for zen, for peace of mind. It's a need for mental and physical space. In "The Mark on the Wall," the narrator is sitti

(I have so much fun writing these blogs that I might just knock out a few of them in succession, without waiting until the next day! This is fun! Thanks, Adrienne!) I will be the first to admit that it is very easy to choose P&P as my favorite book. It's a very popular book, and has spawned about a gazillion different spin-offs (my favorite being the British series, "Lost in Austen") and movie adaptations (nothing beats the Colin Firth one, by the way!), and there are just legions of girls and women alike who are swooning for their own Mr. Darcy. Yes, I acknowledge the "chick lit" and "romance" aspects of the novel, because there's no getting around that. It's a good love story, and women just LOVE the period costumes and the proper language and dainty teacups and embroidered cushions and stuff like that. But it's too easy to reduce P&P to just a love story. To do so is to completely detract from Austen's talent as a writ

This is a tough one for me - there have been lots of tv shows that I've enjoyed, and I wouldn't call them all GOOD shows (again, the snob in me), but they've definitely gotten me hooked. But there are a few that I absolutely treasure, so I'll talk a little bit about all of them (warning, long post ahead):

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) - directed by Michel Gondry; written by Charlie Kaufman; starring Jim Carrey, Kate Winslet, Tom Wilkinson, Kirsten Dunst, Elijah Wood, Mark Ruffalo Spoilers, just a warning.

I love this song so much, I named my daughter for it:

Today is Jolie's first birthday. I can't believe how she's grown! At this time last year, I was experiencing extreme discomfort as I was getting ready for my baby shower, and a year later, I've got this little girl trying to chew on a remote control behind me right there. I've been remembering/re-living all those early days lately, as Jolie's birthday has been approaching, and I still get emotional. I remember the delivery, the uncertainty, the quickness of the whole thing. I remember seeing her for the first time, tears streaming down my face. I remember being discharged from the hospital, and the volunteer wheeling me past the entrance to the NICU, and it hit me that I was leaving my baby behind at the hospital. I remember visiting every day, twice a day, and crying every time I left without her. I remember when the hospital finally succeeded in bullying us into doing a "trial night" in the family room - I hated being cooped up in there, but I was

So, this was an idea I got from my friend Adrienne, whose blog I follow. She got the idea to do a blog post a day for the next 30 days, each one with a specific topic. I kinda like that idea too :) So, here's the list, and I will start tomorrow (or, today, since it's almost 1am): Day 1 - your favorite song Day 2 - your favorite movie Day 3 - your favorite television program Day 4 - your favorite book Day 5 - your favorite quote Day 6 - 20 of my favorite things Day 7 - a photo that makes you happy Day 8 - a photo that makes you angry/sad Day 9 - a photo you took Day 10 - a photo taken over 10 years ago of you Day 11 - a photo of you recently Day 12 - something you are OCD about Day 13 - a fictional book Day 14 - a non-fictional book Day 15 - your dream house Day 16 - a song that makes you cry (or nearly) Day 17 - an art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc) Day 18 - my wedding/future wedding/past wedding Day 19 - a talent of yours Day 20 - a hobby of yours Day 21 - a re