Editions of Me

Recently on an episode of The Maintenance Phase , one of my favorite podcasts, hosts Aubrey Gordon and Michael Hobbes had queried their listeners about fad diets they had tried, and not at all to my surprise, I recognized every single one. And it got me thinking about all of my different attempts at weight loss as well, some of which I've even chronicled on this blog: Slim Fast (and other meal replacement diets, including the Special K Diet) Weight Watchers Jenny Craig Nutrisystem Whole30/the Paleo Diet Intermittent Fasting the Change One diet (I could be remembering the name wrong) the Abs Diet (I could also be remembering the name wrong, but I think it had a bright orange cover) a number of different diet pills/diet pill regimens plus any number of nameless meal plans recommended in various magazines and fitness athletes I'm sure there are some I've forgotten. I also tried being vegetarian for a month, just for health reasons, but that didn't work.  And where did they...

Plus some updates about training/fitness. CW: This post will talk about weight loss and disordered eating habits/thoughts. If that might be triggering to you, please proceed with caution or opt out of reading this entirely <3

This is me. For better or for worse. Being a (cishet) woman in powerlifting has been an interesting experience so far. Among my own personal circle within the lifting community, it's been great. Everyone I know and have lifted with has been really supportive and encouraging. I've never had a man get upset at the fact that I am strong. (At least, not to my face or in any way that has gotten back to me.) I have always been approached with respect and kindness. I feel valued and strong. I feel empowered. Looking at the larger community of powerlifting on social media, I feel... less so. Granted, social media (and mainstream media) has this effect on everyone regardless of what hobby or interest you're talking about, but even within the powerlifting community, I constantly feel like I am not good enough. It's interesting, because you would THINK that even among the current powerlifting scene, where women are being welcomed more and more, where the fashion-model bo...

My beauty blog has been on hiatus for quite a while now, and I'm undecided about when I'll get it going again (or even if ). No, I haven't stopped loving makeup and makeup artistry-- I think what has changed most for me (aside from moving to an area where I don't feel the need to be so made up all the time, and not working full-time out of the house anymore) is that I've been feeling increasingly estranged from beauty blogging and social media. Go ahead and check the Instagram page for any major beauty brand or retailer-- what do you notice about the models and influencers they regularly feature? You do get some racial diversity. You get some body diversity. You even get some gender diversity. You very rarely get all these things at the same time. And you almost never get anyone who looks like they're older than 30. (I mean, there probably are major influencers who are over 30, but they usually don't look it.) I've said quite often that representati...

Article here This morning I was looking at the above article about the new swimwear line from plus-sized model Ashley Graham. And I had some... thoughts. And then I happened to glance at the comments section on the Facebook post that shared the article, and saw this comment, which pretty much stated what I was thinking: This isn't swimsuits for all haha. It's swimsuits for women with big hips, a narrow flat stomach, and huge boobs. That's fantastic for the folks who look that way but all of us ladies aren't that blessed. To which someone else replied, Some people are never happy. To which _I_ replied (in my own head), "No... we're not." I mean, as the first comment said, "That's fantastic for folks who look that way." I'm happy for THEM, but no, I'm not satisfied. No shade to Ashley Graham--I'm not picking on her--but she is essentially a larger version of the same body type that is pushed on women by the media. It...

I know this isn't my book blog, but bear with me here. I want to talk about romance novels. I like them. I read them a lot. Not so much with the corsets and men riding horses, but just contemporary, new adult romances, because they're fun, sexy escapism, and they're quick to read. (We all have our things, I guess.) Maybe it's because I tend to seek out the free/cheap ones instead of casting my net farther and wider, but I had a very obvious realization this morning about romance novels...

Sports Illustrated  decided to depart from their usual cover girl type and put plus-sized model Ashley Greene on one of their three covers for their annual swimsuit issue. While this is a momentous step forward, I can't help thinking, It's 2016, you guys. Take a bigger step! I'm not here to criticize Ashley. Or any of the cover models. A little progress is better than no progress. But you know what's better than a little progress? More progress! Ashley Greene, at least, is a true "plus size." Apparently it's only in the modeling world that a size 8 or 10 is considered plus-sized; Ashley is a size 16. You go, girl!  Again, this is a big deal, and I assume that making this decision was a big deal for SI. But that's just it - it's 2016, and the discussion around body positivity and beauty has progressed leaps and bounds, but putting a plus-sized model who is otherwise conventionally beautiful, conventionally feminine (long hair, no muscle out...

I have at times been thinner , but I have never been thin. I've been talking to my freshman students about the idea of identity and fitting in and all that, and what I haven't told them (yet) is that you never stop trying to figure out who you are and where you belong, even as an adult. My whole life, I've grown up believing I was fat and ugly. I got teased pretty mercilessly (by family members even more than other kids, though that happened too). I used to hear all the time how, even as a baby, strangers would stop and stare at me in my stroller because I was just so... globular. Yeah. People laughed about me being fat even at this age. I was always a stocky, thick-limbed child, and as a teenager, I dreamed of being as thin as my friends and being able to shop at Contempo Casual and other mall stores. I always dressed slightly older than my age because I couldn't fit junior sizes. I got into fitness in my 20s, but not in a healthy way, and it wasn't unt...

I've recently started deciding to get more serious about my strength training and fitness, and in doing so, I'm actually digging up a lot of old feelings or habits that were once really problematic in my life. There was a period of time when I was obsessive about perfectly tracking every calorie I consumed and when; where I was spending a ton of money at GNC buying protein powder (without really knowing why I needed it, or if I really did) and fat burners that I consumed like candy; when I would sit there sweating and feeling my heart pound as a result of all the stimulants and feel afraid that I was doing something bad to my body, but then I would go home and lift my shirt up in the mirror and imagine the barest hint of an outline of an ab muscle, and convince myself that everything would be okay as soon as I lost 10, 20, 50 pounds, maybe more. "Some girls who are my height are even under a hundred pounds," I mused to myself. "Maybe if I work hard enough, I'...