Editions of Me

 Well, not we. Mainly me.  Find me here from now on

 As an adult, I've worked really hard to unlearn a lot of harmful attitudes. Things like racism, diet culture, rape culture/misogyny---they are pervasive in our society, like pollution in the air, and even if you're not actively seeking out spaces where those attitudes are rife, you're still kinda steeping in them, and it takes self-awareness and initiative to work on unlearning them. I'm not saying that I'm perfect now or anything, but I know I'm in a different place than I was before I started, and I can tell the difference. Some things I haven't been able to unlearn though--for example, the idea of linking your productivity with your self-worth. Interestingly, when it comes to anyone ELSE, I am all for self-care and doing what works for you: how much money you make, whether you have a job or not, it doesn't matter and should not determine your value as a human being. I will be the first in line to tell that to friends, family, colleagues, students, ev...

 I am 25 weeks pregnant today.  This is my third child, and I've learned a few things: Truly, no pregnancy is the same. Being pregnant with Benny felt like a Herculean effort, from the two losses we experienced before we finally conceived him, to being pregnant during the pandemic closure, to having PUPP rash and all that. Getting pregnant this time was almost too  easy-- we were successful on the first cycle, and I learned at an ultrasound that I had ovulated from the side where my Fallopian tube had been removed , so I guess the tube on the OTHER SIDE of my uterus had managed to pull in that egg like a vacuum cleaner or a magnet. (I have read that that can happen, but I never really believed it!) I am still dealing with gestational diabetes this time, as well as having to do weekly progesterone injections, but aside from that, I feel like I'm cruising along (even though I did actually contract COVID this summer and that was miserable). First trimester is such a lonely t...

My brother and sister-in-law love to travel. I am the complete opposite--I'm a complete homebody, I like to stay indoors, and the unfamiliar gives me anxiety. However, one thing on our common bucket lists is to see Vietnam, especially the cities our family are from. Unfortunately, with a young child, that's not going to happen for me anytime soon (I am not traveling to another continent with a toddler, sorry), but my brother and SIL are definitely in a position to go relatively soon, and are working on planning a trip with our parents. Last week, they were showing us some travel vlogs from Americans visiting Ho Chi Minh City (aka, Saigon). Scrolling through the YouTube search results, we were seeing, well, a lot of white travel vloggers, and this had me feeling some type of way. These white Americans have been to my home country, and I have not.  In that moment, I felt a weird sort of possessiveness, and a sense of shame.  But... like... can I even call it my home country? My ...

I have long been frustrated with Facebook, and recently I decided to deactivate my account. (Not completely delete, so my FB friends can still reach me via Messenger.) It started a while ago, when over a relatively short amount of time, I went from about 800 friends down to 80. When I was still involved in roller derby, I used FB a lot for networking with other skaters and teams, as the Interleague Liaison for my own league, so there were a lot of people whom I had known casually, mixed in with people who were my best friends, people I went to high school/college/etc. with (including some former teachers), family members, etc.  I am lucky to be friends with a lot of cool people who get along with each other (and have even become good friends with each other!), but inevitably, when you put a bunch of people in a room together, there is bound to be some disagreement between people. And especially on social media, engagement is paramount, so people will share things that are clickbait...

"If someone talked to you, the way you do to you, I'd put their teeth through. Love yourself." - IDLES As a teacher, I've found that it's very easy to be compassionate about other people's differences, but it's difficult to extend that grace to myself. And this is not because I'm being disingenuous about other people, but because I have a tendency to gaslight myself (probably because I've been gaslit somehow by someone else). Something that might be a reason  for someone else is an excuse  for me, because it's easier for me to believe that I'm just failing at life, rather than someone who might also need compassion or even accommodations. Case in point: I have long believed that I might have inattentive ADHD. I know, I know, the internet is not a substitute for an official diagnosis, but the fact that I so strongly identify with everything I have read about the condition, and that I remember exhibiting many of these symptoms from a young ag...

I've been taking Sew Liberated's series of Learn to Sew courses , and I've been busy!!  Sewing makes me feel... complete. Like, even though so far I can only make four things (a top, bottoms, a skirt, and a dress), I now possess the skills to make an entire outfit. (I mean, YES, I could've knit myself pants or a skirt or a dress, but I'm not that much a fan of knit bottoms.) I love that sewing is a lot faster than knitting, so it really is great for my instant-gratification needs--things go from "materials" to "ready to wear" SO quickly! And I'm learning a lot about garment construction, fabric, and how to make alterations for myself, both before and after sewing. Moreover, as I said in a previous post, sewing and knitting give me a sense of peace. When I'm working on projects, I'm not scrolling on social media. I might listen to podcasts or audiobooks, but I'm not otherwise putting myself in a position to feel aggravated, stresse...

Recently on an episode of The Maintenance Phase , one of my favorite podcasts, hosts Aubrey Gordon and Michael Hobbes had queried their listeners about fad diets they had tried, and not at all to my surprise, I recognized every single one. And it got me thinking about all of my different attempts at weight loss as well, some of which I've even chronicled on this blog: Slim Fast (and other meal replacement diets, including the Special K Diet) Weight Watchers Jenny Craig Nutrisystem Whole30/the Paleo Diet Intermittent Fasting the Change One diet (I could be remembering the name wrong) the Abs Diet (I could also be remembering the name wrong, but I think it had a bright orange cover) a number of different diet pills/diet pill regimens plus any number of nameless meal plans recommended in various magazines and fitness athletes I'm sure there are some I've forgotten. I also tried being vegetarian for a month, just for health reasons, but that didn't work.  And where did they...

  a nearly-finished sweater I'm not going to lie, friends. Things have been rough for me, emotionally, mentally, and physically. I've been stuck in a feedback loop of stress, anxiety, sleeplessness, and feeling sick (not Covid, so far), culminating in me taking a few days off in a row because at some point, something has to give. I've been throwing myself into arts and crafts, as a way to deal with it all. I'm still knitting a ton, but I've also been taking art classes through Domestika and sewing courses through Sew Liberated , and journaling, and also, I even made pho for myself yesterday, for the first time in a really long time. There is something restorative in the act of creating something (or planning to create something, as I'm still waiting on new sewing supplies and figuring out how to stash-bust).  But it has to be creating something from a place of peace---I know that lots of artisans and crafters enjoy turning their passions into their work, but fo...

I've been running again! I stopped running after my last marathon. Having developed osteoarthritis after a knee injury (from roller derby, not running), I had trouble running without pain after all that training, due to the weight I gained back after my weekly mileage dramatically decreased (because my body needed a break from that intensity) and the fact that I got more seriously into powerlifting (my knee can handle running OR it can handle squatting extremely heavy weights, but not both). So for a while, I convinced myself that I would never be able to run again.  Last year, while I was pregnant, I suddenly found myself bit by the running bug again, which is funny because when I WAS heavily into running, I needed a constantly full calendar of races to stay motivated, and right now, races are a rare thing because of the, you know, worldwide panna cotta that we've been living in. But all of a sudden, I just really wanted to RUN. I didn't, because I was heavily pregnant and...

Plus some updates about training/fitness. CW: This post will talk about weight loss and disordered eating habits/thoughts. If that might be triggering to you, please proceed with caution or opt out of reading this entirely <3

 (Wow, I'm great at promising to post regularly, and then just not posting. I need to stop announcing things.) A year ago today (March 13th) was the last day of school before everything closed down for the pandemic. At the time, we didn't know what the future would hold, so at first, we were like, "Okay, double-long spring break. That's cool, I guess!"  And then we just never came back from it. Our extended spring break turned into online supplementary learning (it was only a year ago, and I can't remember any of the official names or acronyms we used last spring) where we couldn't move forward with curriculum and could only assign bonus work that students wouldn't be held accountable for missing. Then the bonus work turned into Real Work That Will Affect their Grades for just a hot minute until we received notice that students grades would default to whatever they were as of March 13th, and that they would count as P/F only, and that students could co...

This isn't going to be much of a post, because I haven't not trained this week, but I did want to impart my take-away to you:  Prioritize sleep. Wellness isn't just a fancy spa mask and a yoga class. Those are nice, but they're still doing  something, and sometimes what you need is to not  do anything.  I haven't trained this week because I've been dealing with some major insomnia, and my personal rule has always been that if I didn't sleep enough (under 6 hours) or sleep well, then I wouldn't allow myself to work out. Of course, in a week like this, it means that I have gone several days without training or anything, but as they say, you can't pour from an empty cup. And this up is DRY, my friends. But just so I'm not leaving things on a sad note, I do want to share that I bought myself a new pair of running shoes, and I'm planning to get (very slowly) back into running. It may be weeks, even months, before I actually start doing more than a...

I've been super excited about the influx of new makeup brands lately at Target, especially since they are designated as "Clean at Target" (though YMMV when it comes to the label "clean"). One of them is a brand called Jason Wu Beauty , by a Taiwanese-Canadian artist/designer of that name. (Sorry, I don't know anything about him. I had to google that.)  His collection looks to be lots of neutral, natural tones, in an assortment of products for all over the face, but not enough to do a full face. (Like, I see tinted primers, but no actual foundation or concealer?)  After watching some other reviews on YouTube, my interest was piqued, and I decided the first thing that I really wanted to pick up, actually, was his eyeshadow palette in Matte Agave, as the only all-matte palette in his line. I've been in search of an clean-beauty all matte palette that would function really well as a collection of base shades, because I'm very into wearing my highlighters...

 Ayooooo! You know how I started doing "Makeup Monday" posts? I chose that name with the full intention of adding other themed days into my repertoire, but gradually, because jumping into blogging multiple days per week is... a lot. I had to work up to it. So thus, we begin Fitness Fridays. This will just be a weekly check-in about my health and fitness--a little progress report of what I've done for the week. To begin with, both of the gyms that I called home closed this year.  Now, full disclosure: I hadn't been lifting much at all this past year due to being pregnant, and then when gyms had to close due to the pandemic, I definitely was trying to get some workouts in at home. And then both gyms (not at the same time) have permanently closed. I was already in the process of putting together a garage gym anyway, because I was too apprehensive about working out at a gym, but my long-term plan was to train in person when the time came for me to start competing again.  ...

This week's topic comes from YouTuber Allie Glines: she recently posted a video called 21 Questions about her makeup collection and tastes, and I thought this would be fun: 1. What is the oldest makeup product in your collection? At this point, I've decluttered most of old makeup. The oldest things I'm still keeping around are some Urban Decay eyeshadows that I bought in the mid-2000s (that I depotted). Remember their old matte eyeshadow singles? I have all of them. Their Deluxe Eyeshadow Palette? It's there too. They're not moldy or bad or anything, but I don't use them anymore either. I kinda just keep them for nostalgia. 2. What is your most recent makeup purchase? Uh, I literally last night just repurchased the Fenty Matchstix Trio because I wish I hadn't decluttered them, and they're on sale now. But the most recent thing I've purchased that I actually have in my possession is the new Fenty powder foundation (shown below) and an Ilia Multi-Stic...

 First off: I missed posting last Monday! The day just completely got away from me. The idea for this post came from a video from a beauty YouTuber that I follow, Reagan Hart, called 20 Products I Don't Like from 20 Brands I Like . It got me thinking about my own list, but I don't think I can even name 20 brands that I like, from which I've tried enough products to determine what I like or don't like, so I'm just going to NOT put a number on it :) Please note that just because I didn't like them, it doesn't mean that they're bad products or that no one should buy them; they just didn't work for me. (So please don't take any of this personally.)  1. Ere Perez's Rice Powder Blush and Bronzer in Roma Ere Perez is one of my favorite clean beauty brands, but I found that this was hard to work with. It may have been just the one I received, but it was dry, and I had a difficult time picking up product. (I have heard similar critiques of their eyesh...

So, I used to beauty-blog a lot more actively, and as such, when you need to stay current on what's new and on offer, your makeup stash tends to grow to epic proportions. I was going through some of my old posts on my beauty-blog-no-longer (which I recently renamed because Google Domains wasn't letting me access the blog with the old URL any longer), and I came across this post where I give you a tour of my makeup station and stash. Go look at that post, I'll wait. It's pretty wild to think that this is what my entire makeup collection consists of now: Same table. Gone is the 9-drawer Alex chest. (Well, it's not GONE, but I have repurposed it for art supplies.) The actual table drawers hold makeup bags, all the brushes/tools I don't use, hair ties, skincare stuff I don't reach for often (like face masks), and makeup samples I've received with orders. Maybe an extra mascara or whatever that I haven't started using yet. YUP, my entire active makeup co...