Editions of Me

Which is not actually derby's fault, but it just happens to be the circumstance at the moment. Full disclosure - I am ABSOLUTELY the sort of person who doesn't like to try things if I'm not positive that I'm going to succeed. I know everyone, to a certain measure, wants to be fairly reasonable about their success rate when embarking on a new venture (who wants to try something you're absolutely going to fail at? It's shooting yourself in the foot!), but I almost have a phobia of failure. This unfortunate aspect of my personality usually means that I start a lot of things, and I quit a lot of things the minute my self-doubt comes creeping in. The second it looks like I'm not going to be awesome, I want out. So, enter roller derby. Could I possibly have fathomed how hard it was going to be? No way. Am I absolutely sucking at bootcamp right now? Not nearly - I'm learning a lot, staying on my feet, but I still have a lot to work on. Do I think I will p...

Tuesday felt like a victory. Wednesday felt like an ass-whoopin'. But my epiphany for the week is that I AM stronger than I think, and that my body is not impossible and resistant to change. I realized this as I was trying to learn how to change direction (going forwards to backwards). The first few times, I was shaky, I fell, I was frustrated... but the more I did it, the easier it got. By the end, I still wasn't perfect, but my muscles were learning the motions and I realized... I CAN do anything I want to... I just have to WANT to. It's not my body holding me back, but my mind. Of course, Wednesday was a true test of my convictions. We did a lot of pace line skating and hot laps, and speed is NOT my forte. Not to mention that my back was killing me - when you do a lot of laps, you're constantly in a squat, and it takes a toll on your body if you're not conditioned to begin with. I had trouble keeping up, I couldn't go fast... whereas I felt great during T...

New Year's Resolutions. I promised myself I wouldn't make any (and thus avoid the disappointment of failing to accomplish them), and I especially wouldn't resolve to lose weight, because that conjures up desperate women trying to fit into a bikini by summertime, and because it would mean that I would be buying in to all the weight loss ads (programs, pills, workouts, etc) that they run constantly starting two days before the new year. However, it just has to be done. I'm NOT trying to fit into a bikini by summertime, but I do have to lose weight for other reasons - family history of high cholesterol and diabetes, for instance. Wanting to run a marathon, for instance. More energy and less weight to carry around, for instance. It's not about vanity, it's about staying alive, and more importantly, living well. I'm also slowly coming to realize that as much as I hate diets and love food, I'm going to have to put myself on a lifer's diet, because t...

We just finished our first two practices (our first week, essentially) of roller derby bootcamp. OH MAN am I sore. I also bit it pretty hard last night, so I've got some really tender spots on my forearm and thigh where I fell. (No bruising though.) So, after two nights in a row, it's starting to become more apparent what my areas of improvement need to be (other than practicing more =P) - I'm not very fast, because I haven't figured out my stride yet; I am back to being unable to do crossovers, which really slows you down; and I have to learn how to skate TIRED. Because I was REALLY tired, and my back was so sore and stiff that I was breaking form and getting really sloppy.(Some core training should help with that.) I'm trying not to doubt myself, but I really am worried that I won't make the cut. Luckily, the semester has just started, which means that if I plan my lessons right, I give myself some more free time to practice. I'm sooooo excited.

You guess. Okay, I decided to compromise and just catalog my UD collection. It's pretty vast, if I do say so myself. You'll get to hear about my five other mascaras some other time :) Eyeshadow vault (sold separately, and discontinued!), filled with: - Foxy (matte) - Naked (matte) - Illegal (matte) - Cult (matte) - Oil Slick - Gunmetal - S&M - Lounge - Asphyxia - Sellout - Sin - Stray Dog - Flipside - Twice Baked - Crash - Maui Wowie Deluxe Eyeshadow singles: - Ruthless - Ransom Palettes: - Book of Shadows - Book of Shadows 2 - Deluxe Palette - Shadow Box (ooooold school!!!!!!) Eyeshadow primer potion Pore perfecting primer potion Lip primer potion Eyelash primer potion 24/7 Glide-On Eye Pencils + the Grindhouse sharpener!: - Zero - Bourbon - Ransom - Flipside - Gunmetal - Deviant - Underground - Rockstar - Covet - Stash - Lust - Mildew - 1999 - Binge - Graffiti - Oil Slick - Eldorado - Corrupt (I have the Hi-Fi, ...

Maybe I'll try keeping a log. Books read this year: Rollergirl: Totally True Tales from the Track by Melissa Joulwan Bright Lights, Big Ass by Jen Lancaster Projects finished this year: Autumn (hat)

Or maybe vomit. I don't know what's wrong with me - I don't remember feeling this queasy when I was pregnant!

If I thought 2008 was insane (which it was), then I suppose 2009 was the only year that could've topped it. I don't remember what I was doing exactly a year ago, or what I was expecting out of the coming year, but I'm fairly certain that this wasn't quite what I'd thought. Did I have a bit of baby fever? Definitely. Did I actually think that I would be sitting here, a new mom, with my pregnancy and childbirth ending up the way it actually did? Absolutely not. Sometimes, truth really IS stranger than fiction. Anyway, a survey: 1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before? I got pregnant and gave birth (without an epidural!!!) for the first time. 2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I can't recall that I officially made any. If I did, I'm sure it was weight-loss-related, and I'm fairly certain that my getting pregnant would have rendered it null and void. 3. Did anyone close to you give bir...