Editions of Me

Hank Green recently posted the video below describing 15 of his favorite feelings: And I thought I'd take a crack at describing some of mine. Spoiler alert: he and I have a few in common, starting with this first one I tried to transcribe, because he phrased it best: 1. "Opening up and letting somebody that you love see all your broken bits and then they're like, 'I don't mind, those are pretty cool, here are mine too' and you're like 'Yeah, no, I like those! Those are cool! That's fine! We should hold. And hug.' Knowing that yes, this person that you love loves you back and you can trust that and you can know it forever... yeah." 2. Crossing the finish line after a particularly significant race. Or, a particularly grueling one. Even better, watching other people cross the finish line, and seeing the relief, the exhaustion, the pain, and the pride cross their faces all at the same time, especially if it's their first big r...

I got this in my inbox just now (just an email blast from Stephanie at Stupid Easy Paleo), and I felt like it was addressed directly to me. TBH... it made me tear up. You are good. -Even if you didn't set a personal best when you tested your lifts at the gym.  -Even when you decide to be kind to your body and take an extra rest day. -Even when your diet isn't perfect. (Because nobody's is...not even mine.) -Even if you decide to back out of a competition because you listened to a gut feeling. -Even when you struggle to balance life with training and work. Moments of self-doubt and judgment are so easy in times like these. You think, "I'm not good / strong / smart / disciplined / fast / resourceful enough." The truth is that you're living what it's like to be a human being: The ups, the downs, the moments of ease, the moments of difficulty, and everything in between. So if your wave has turned into a trough, just keep moving forward wi...

I've been trying to run for fun, instead of trying to be in intense training mode all the time, in hopes that it will snap me out of this funk I've been in - fewer miles, less pressure, less anxiety. I've been putting so much pressure on myself and setting my expectations so high, that when I inevitably fail to meet them, I am wracked with self-loathing. And I need to stop doing that. I signed up for this 5k totally on a whim, because it's definitely a "fun run" - to the point where if you'd wanted a timing chip, you'd have had to pay extra. It's an Asian-inspired nighttime run where they give you cheap neon-glowstick glasses to wear and paper lanterns afterward - exactly the sort of run I should do to relax and not put pressure on myself. (I know how jerky that sounds, that I just said I was doing a 5k to relax.) So I opted out of the timing chip and even elected not to bring my Garmin, because who cares about time, right? I went with my fri...

It's been a loooooong time since I've raced. My last race was the triathlon on February 28th, and I guess in a way I've been itching for some sort of event, because in the intervening time, I'd gotten really mentally and physically fatigued with my training and then decided to drop 2 of my 3 marathons for this year. The last couple of years, I've jam-packed my scheduled with races (I actually did five races in January and February of this year alone), and it's usually because they keep me going - when I have an actual EVENT, as opposed to a training run, it motivates me. However, this year, I decided I would cut back on races once I started training for my marathons, just so I could focus more on nailing my paces and such - it was too hard to find races that lined up with my long run schedule in my training plan, and I didn't want to do races that were far above or far below the specified mileage. In hindsight, I think that was the wrong decision. Even w...

345 back squat!!!! That's a 30lb #PR!!!! #powerlifting #fitness #girlswholift #strongmoms @anchoredsc A video posted by Thu (@vivaglamr3d) on May 4, 2015 at 7:32pm PDT

I've decided to switch to the half marathon for Vancouver USA, and to drop the Portland Marathon entirely. I think it's a telling sign that I feel more relief than grief about it. I don't think I'm in the right headspace to be training for a full right now (let alone three in a period of six months), and this training cycle has been fraught with interruptions and frustration ever since it started. I'm going to take some time to do a few half marathons for fun, start over with the Zombies, Run! app, and maybe even gradually wean myself off intervals a little bit. And then in August, I will start training for CIM with a different training plan (because using the same one for the last three years has gotten monotonous), and hopefully... I will finally finish marathon #4. Thanks for following my saga. You can now all let out that collective breath I'm sure you've been holding