Editions of Me

I have to admit, I've been lost lately. It's been an ugly combination of poor physical health exacerbated by stress, which leads to poor mental health, which then exacerbates  the stress.  It's a terrible cycle. I have to say, I have cried in front of people a little too often lately. Like, AT WORK, even. This is my twelfth year of teaching, and I have cried at work more times in the last month than I have in all the years before. I feel like I've been sick for going-on-two months now. It's not just teaching though--I'm stressed out by many different aspects of my life right now, and even the things that are supposed to be enjoyable are also now adding to that. Case in point: Deadlifts for Doernbecher this year. The amount of times I've worked out in the last few months could probably be counted on one hand. This hobby of mine that I happen to be good at has started to become a huge monkey on my back, because every day that ticks by that I have to sk

So, you probably know that I'm super into planners, and Happy Planner's new line for 2019 features five different "Planner Girls": Socialite, Faith Warrior, Super Mom, Miss Maker, and Healthy Hero. You can probably guess that I automatically gravitated towards Miss Maker (the "crafty" girl) and Healthy Hero (the fitness/health girl). Like, that's a given. If you know me, you know those are SO my thing. Like, absolutely no question there. I am not Socialite, and I am not Faith Warrior. But the Super Mom label gave me pause. I mean, I AM a mom. I don't often think about myself that way, but I did at one point give birth to a human, and she's still HERE, and she's doing well, and by all counts, I am definitely momming here. But why don't I think of myself as A MOTHER? (And definitely NOT a Super Mom, although I should note that they're being tongue-in-cheek, as evidenced by the example graphic above.) I'm thinking it's b

It's been a while since I've updated, and it's because I've had a lot going on: I've started a new job at a physical school again, and it has been going well overall (thanks HUGELY to an amazing, supportive faculty and staff), but it has also been exhausting and a lot of work. I am on my feet so much more than I have been in a loooong time, and I'm always attending meetings. I don't even have a whole lot of time to breathe during my prep periods. So, for the first couple of weeks, I was trying to adjust physically  to my new daily routine of waking up at 6am, being on my feet most of the day until 3:30pm, not getting home until closer to 5, then making dinner, and then barely keeping my eyes open long enough to spend time with my family until crashing into bed. As you can probably imagine, this didn't leave me with much energy for going to the gym. I wanted  to, but I was tired to the bone, and my executive functioning was pretty much shot. I looked

CW: pregnancy loss (In case this is something triggering for you)

CW: pregnancy loss, grief

For some basics on bullet journalling, please check out my previous blog post on the subject. So, bullet journalling is a huge, HUGE thing, with the draw being that it's an adaptable system--people can make their bujos however they want to, however it works for them. It's highly customizable, ranging from minimalistic and functional to fabulous, intricate works of art in their own right. (And I should say, "Bullet Journal" is technically its own brand, so every company that wants "in" on bullet journalling has had to call their products "bullet planners" or whatever, but it's basically all the same.) However, the main commonality between all bujos everywhere has been the fact that it is a pen-and-paper thing. "The analog system for the digital age," proclaims the official website . So what happens when you take your bujo and make it digital??? Digital planning has been picking up steam, apparently, but it appeared on MY radar w

Despite having lived here over a year and a half, I haven't spent much time exploring the PDX area. I know I've been visiting here on and off for years, and I know I went to COLLEGE here, but things change, and places go away, and new places spring up in their place, so even areas I used to visit aren't quite the same anymore anyway. So, I am making it a goal of mine to spend more time getting to know this beautiful, amazing area I live in, and I wouldn't mind your help! Because I'm a planner/journalling junkie, and I have most recently been working out of a (gorgeous!) Chic Sparrow traveler's notebook system, I've decided to start a notebook insert specifically for the purpose of cataloguing the various places I've been to in the Portland area (plus, keeping a list of places I want to visit). This is sort of like my own personal Yelp notebook. I want to make note of stuff like available parking or general notes about directions to get there (lik

I’ve been having a rough training week so far, since we’ve switched into a faster/high-rep phase, and I’m still stuck on heavier/slower mode (story of my life, lol) but I wanted to share this because 1) it cheers me up, and 2) it reminds me why I need to tough this out: because even though I did really well, I still have more to work for. Rankings are based on Wilks scores Official meet results were posted (in yellow/white above), which means YAY I’M OFFICIAL!!!! Which was ultimately my main goal in the first place (show up, survive the day). And also, I’m now listed on openpowerlifting.org , which is a really cool site if you like looking at numbers and rankings. As of this morning, I’m 127th among all USPA Raw female lifters (the skinny middle part of the picture), and I’m in the top ten for my weight class (bottom part of the picture) 😁 Like, in the entire country . I’m FLOORED. I am not being falsely modest, I swear. I kid you not, that I was not sporty growing up. (

Hey friends and fam! Since I last blogged, exciting developments have taken place that I've discussed on my social media, but not officially here, so here goes: I have signed on with athlete apparel brand Muscle & Mirth as a brand ambassador! We've been talking for the past couple of months, and I've been getting to know them as a brand (and getting to know the owners and other Team M&M athletes), and I really like what they stand for. I like the message they put forth, and the designs they create, and I feel like we mesh well. I am excited and proud to represent their brand. One of the awesome things about being a member of Team M&M is that I get to design a shirt to be sold through their website, so I am beyonnnnnnnd thrilled to share with you all my shirt!! As I shared on Instagram: as an athlete, a woman, an educator, a human being living in this world, it is a core value of mine to do all I can to build others up, rather than tear people down . I

One of my favorite quotes is the following from Sarah J. Maas' Throne of Glass : “You could rattle the stars. You could do anything, if only you dared. And deep down, you know it, too. That’s what scares you most.” There's even a bracelet I wear every day with that first sentence stamped on it. I look at these words constantly, and I love their message but I've never really, truly internalized them and fit them into the context of my own life. That is, until several weeks ago, when my coach Jeron had a heart-to-heart with me via text about training for this meet. It's no secret that I struggle with even just showing up and making training a priority. I was supposed to start training in early January, but I had a difficult time getting things rolling (because of illness/motivation/time/whatever--you know me, it's always something , right?), and I finally managed to build up some momentum, but I was worried about being behind on training because of what I'd

Alea iacta est . The die is cast. The phrase goes back to when Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon and marched on Rome. It was a moment, he meant, from which there was no going back. The die had been cast, he said, and no power of man could prevent it from landing where it would. A roll of the dice is unpredictable, unstoppable. We have cast our die as well. We have chosen our tactics, we have chosen our champions, and now we go to battle. But the die is still in the air. I do not believe what we do here today is predetermined and cannot be changed. There is a moment just after the die is cast and before it lands upon the gaming table in which the smallest breeze may change its course—the way it rolls and where it comes to rest. That is what we must do today. We must give our all to ensure that when the die does come to rest, it favors us. None of us are perfect. But we have the opportunity to determine our fates day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, with the choices

(Originally posted to the Goulet Nation Facebook group) I woke up this morning after a melancholy sort of dream, and the first thing I did was reach for my notebook and a pen and start writing about it, since I didn't want to bother the person I normally talk to about the subject matter of my dream. (Not getting into it. Complicated and emotional.) And I realized how much getting into fountain pens has changed my relationship with journalling. I used to write in journals a lot as a kid/young adult (kids keeping diaries, that sort of thing, and also, this was pre-Internet), but that tapered off and I started getting into blogging. But blogging for me is not the same as journalling, because of course, I don't want to share EVERY single thought with the entire Internet. So it's like, either I share with EVERYONE, or I share with no one. About a year ago, I started getting really into Bullet Journalling, and that brought me back to my pen-and-paper habit, and I was mo

We're into the final push towards the Oregon Outlaw Open, and I can definitely say that I'm feeling anxious and amped up while at the same time feeling completely exhausted. It's been a while since I've trained THIS much and this hard. I'm the first to admit that one of my flaws is lack of discipline and consistency, and that's something I've worked particularly hard at this time around--just showing up  and doing the entire workout. (I also have no special love for accessory work, you should know.) Like, I know it doesn't look like much on the surface, but for me, internally, it's been hard making sure that I prioritize my training so that no matter what, I'm going in and giving my best effort three days a week. When I initially signed up for this meet in December, I recall very specifically telling Jeron (my coach) not to let me bail, because last year I signed up for a meet and just couldn't stick to training, and I didn't want t

I keep wishing it could be that way Because my world would be a wonderland When Jolie was much younger, and devouring every Disney movie she could, I used to sing the White Rabbit's song from Alice in Wonderland  to her to make her laugh. You know, "I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date!"? That one. Unfortunately, the White Rabbit's refrain has ended up being more like my life story at times--I feel like I am constantly rushing from one thing to the next (usually late), without a moment to "say hello, GOODBYE!" because I just have too much to do. I mean, adulting sucks. I recently mused on Facebook that I wish I didn't have to work, not because I want to just sit around and do nothing (although, there are definitely times when that's a great idea), but because there's so much that I want to do and learn in my life. Unfortunately, time and money are always constraints--I have to work to make money, but then I don't have

Usually when people talk about getting healthy as a new year's resolution, they're talking about picking up some healthy habits and (most especially) losing weight. I mean, why not? New year, new you, right? It's the ultimate time to start fresh. I too am trying to "get healthy" this year, though my plans come from a slightly different source of motivation. Looking back on the first half of my 30s, I can really only describe my health as "unpredictable." I mean, on the one hand, in the last five years I've had my gallbladder removed; I've injured my knee and developed osteoarthritis; I've lost a pregnancy and, as a result, a fallopian tube ; and most recently, I had a surprise anaphylactic reaction that brought me to the emergency room. Not to mention all the times I've just been sick for weeks with a sore throat or a bad cold, as in, just a couple weeks ago, for New Year's. Talk about failing your resolution right out the gate