Pen and Ink

(Originally posted to the Goulet Nation Facebook group)

I woke up this morning after a melancholy sort of dream, and the first thing I did was reach for my notebook and a pen and start writing about it, since I didn't want to bother the person I normally talk to about the subject matter of my dream. (Not getting into it. Complicated and emotional.)

And I realized how much getting into fountain pens has changed my relationship with journalling.

I used to write in journals a lot as a kid/young adult (kids keeping diaries, that sort of thing, and also, this was pre-Internet), but that tapered off and I started getting into blogging. But blogging for me is not the same as journalling, because of course, I don't want to share EVERY single thought with the entire Internet. So it's like, either I share with EVERYONE, or I share with no one.

About a year ago, I started getting really into Bullet Journalling, and that brought me back to my pen-and-paper habit, and I was more so into the planning aspect, but at the same time, I did like lettering and doodling.

But... and I feel like this is fairly common?... I still had this hang-up about notebooks. Like, I LOVE the possibilities of a blank notebook, but I often feel like anything I could possibly say (as well as my sometimes messy handwriting) "sullies" the page somehow. Like, I think of all the beautiful handwritten letters and journals of historical figures saying profound things, and I'm like, "No way can I do that!" and so I get writer's block when it comes to beautiful notebooks and journals. I love to buy notebooks, but I totally freeze up when it's time to write in them.

So, I have a couple Leuchtturms that I started to set up for bullet journalling, but then decided not to, and so they've been sitting on my shelf, "ruined" because they are no longer "perfect." I decided this year to take one and just use it as a scribble book--I'm really into brush lettering, and sometimes it just helps to have pages where I can practice words or do ink swatches or whatever. (And I like the dot grid and smoothness of the paper. It's my favorite paper.) If the book is already "ruined," it's no big deal if I just keep doing random scribbles and messes, right?

And then I started getting into fountain pens, so now that I have a bunch, I'm just constantly practicing with the flex nibs, drawing lines, etc. Just doing whatever. Writing down notes and quotes. Just ANYTHING, to play with my pens and ink.

Lo and behold, writing down "just anything" started to turn into writing down my thoughts and feelings at the moment. And this messy, random, ink-stained scribble book has become my journal, and I have found that I can never leave home without it.

And I know this would NOT have happened if I had selected a pristine notebook and been like, "I AM GOING TO START JOURNALLING NOW." Because I've tried that so many times, and I feel like I couldn't live up to the weight of my expectations.

But this messy-AF notebook has become my lifeline. And I really think that it was me getting into fountain pens that brought journalling back into my life.

All this to say, Thank you, Goulet Pens and Goulet Nation, for giving me back something that my life was missing. Thanks for reading if you made it this far <3