Editions of Me

In which Thu describes the magic of a holiday that is special to her. In many ways, I'm extremely American - I was born here, I speak Vietnamese with an American accent (rather than speaking English with a Vietnamese accent), etc. But in one respect (well, this is ONE of the many respects) I'll happily celebrate my Asian heritage - this weekend marks the beginning of the new year, the Lunar New Year (also known as Chinese New Year or the Tet Festival), and it's a time for well-wishing, well-being, and time spent with family. I'll be honest with you - when you're young, and you ALREADY spend every weekend with your family, the only thing that makes Tet different from any other weekend is that all the grownups in your family all of a sudden give you little red envelopes full of money. When you're REALLY young, it's just a dollar here and there, maybe five dollars, and it all went straight to your parents for safekeeping. When you get older (say, teenaged) and ...

I'm working on getting things done and graded... I don't have as much as I thought, but it'll still be enough to keep me busy. But at least I still have a week left. Funny how I'm more productive when I'm in class and I don't have to watch my kids than when I'm completely alone. I'm glad to have reconnected with some people in my life, but it seems like there's been a falling out with someone else. And this time I don't even know what I did. Maybe I didn't do anything at all, and it's not even about me. I have no clue. I'm just going to wait it out, I guess, and hope this person eventually talks to me again. In the meantime, though, it's depressing the hell out of me. Other than that, I feel good. The baby part of me feels good too - no throwing up or anything, which is good. I'm looking forward to the new semester, but I haven't read one of the books I'm supposed to teach. I told my kids that next semester will be har...

In which Thu lets the words of the day speak for themselves. Today was the inauguration of President Obama, and while there's no telling what the world will be like when my baby is old enough to read and understand everything that has happened, what's important to remember about today is the spirit of hope and change that is sweeping through the country, this feeling of uplift that has been missing for so long. I'm pasting here the full text of his inaugural address, and I hope that one day, my baby will understand how important this was - not just what he said, but the fact that he was able to be in a position to say it. My fellow citizens: I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors. I thank President Bush for his service to our nation, as well as the generosity and cooperation he has shown throughout this transition. Forty-fo...

I'm really, really happy that my entire family seems to be supportive of my having this baby. If my parents' reaction was any indication, it would seem like I'd be run out of my own town. But really , everyone is like, "We'll be there for her. This is a hard time, so we'll help her as best we can." I wonder if my parents will be less mad at me now, knowing that no one is mad at THEM. Tomorrow - at last! after 8 unglorious years! - is the Presidential Inauguration.

A cute little kit by Amy Gaines.

In which Thu details a little bit about Papa Jimmy, pre-baby. Dear Baby, I know your dad is keeping a journal of his own for you, and he's got his own life story to tell, but I thought I would fill you in on some of the wonderful things about him that he may or may not necessarily say himself. - He's way, way smart. I might've gotten better grades in high school, but he's much smarter than I am, because he's more quick-witted and remembers information a lot better than I do. Don't try to pull a fast one on him by trying to convince him of a different version of the truth. His mind is like a steel trap. - He's very honest about his feelings, more so than other males I know. I always know where I stand with him, which I really appreciate. - He is a very caring, loving person. He takes really good care of me, and I have no doubt he'll take really good care of you too, Baby. - He, like me, is a very compassionate person. People look at him and think he's...

In which Thu details a little bit about herself and her life, pre-baby. Dear Baby, I know the general perception is that kids never realize that their parents were people before the kids came along. I know this because I have students who believe that I have no life outside of the classroom. So here is a little bit about me, baby, so that you know what kind of person your mother is. - I'm 26 years old. Considering the trend right now, that's young (I guess) to be having a baby, but your Grandma Ngo was 23 when she had me. These days, people wait until their 30's. - I'm in my third year of teaching high school English right this second. I didn't always want to be a teacher. Like most children of Asian immigrants, I spent most of my life thinking that I SHOULD be a doctor. (You're allowed to call me on it if I ever force you to be a doctor against your will.) I wanted to be a pediatrician because I wanted to help kids. Eventually, I realized that literature was my...

In which Thu describes some of her hopes and dreams for her baby. I'd planned to handwrite this, but I really just haven't had the inclination. Maybe I really am a 21st century blogger after all. I found out I was pregnant on Saturday, the 10th. Since then, I've been through so much that it has become important for me to say it, SOMEWHERE, or else I'll burst. Or fester. The most important part is that I'm happy, and excited. It's not what I planned to happen right now in my life, but I love that I'm going to be a mother and that I'm going to teach my son or daughter about the world. I have so many hopes and dreams for this child, and none of them are things like, "I hope she becomes a doctor" or "I hope he wins the Cy Young someday." I hope my child is smart - I don't mean smart as in, Asian smart and gets straight A's (although, that would be nice), but smart is in, able to think for him/herself and come to his/her own concl...

... is on its way. Stay tuned.

I'm joining roller derby again! This time I am fiercely determined to stick it out and make roster and be eligible to compete! The practice schedule will be rough, but I'm determined to take this on. I need to think of names for when I finally make roster. :) Tomorrow: Oatmeal and raisins Veggie chips and hummus Salad with goat cheese In'n'Out (I know, not really great for me, but I'm trying to make room for it!) Energy bar Workout: skating for an hour with se7en at Calskate Salad or something like like that for dinner.

Very similar to yesterday's Breakfast - avocado and toast Snack - apple and cheese Lunch - avocado and cheese sandwich Snack - Luna bar, powerade workout - Run 1:00, Walk 2:00. I bet I won't do any strength work today Dinner - chicken breast (somehow prepared)

I did end up actually running, even if only because I wanted to see if I still had it in me. And I did. Granted, I only ran for a minute at a time, but it's been a while, you know? It didn't hurt, I wasn't panting like crazy. I'm trying to stick to the diet, but goddammit, when someone leaves delicious coffee cake in the staff lounge, I'm going to have some. I've been taking small pieces at a time, and not more than one or two a day. Not, like, two or three giant slices or anything. Today's meals were good - I liked everything I had, EVEN the huge chunky tomato slices in my sandwich. (I normally HATE tomatoes!) My dinner was good - I don't know why I've never made tilapia before! The pieces were well-sized, cheap (2 dollars for two pieces!), QUICK to cook (in fact, they browned a little...), and apparently they're healthy too :) I cooked the two pieces, and tomorrow I will have it for lunch or for dinner. I'm tempted to have more avocado toas...

Here's how it went today. me : :(! the bad treadmill is broken the good treadmill is sandwiched between stuff in the garage the gym will be WAY too crowded it's too f-king cold to go outside and it's already five :( I was supposed to be DONE by now f-ck f-ck f-ck this makes for a VERY bad day f-ck f-ck f-ck I want to throw things and yell it was like yesterday when technology hated me too what's wrong with the universe??? Jimmy : =( oh baby me : :( :( :( it's past my time to work out, and I don't have anywhere to work out anyway this is BULLSH-T I finally resolve to do something, and I get f-cked over what the f-ck is wrong with that treadmill anyway? and why is there so much sh-t in the garage? and it's the wrong time of day AND year to go to the gym f-ck this sh-t I'm going to carry on being fat until the day I die Jimmy : I love you want to come over and beat me me : no that won't help I want to f-cking go...

This is easier than writing it down in a notebook, I guess? Breakfast: Oatmeal with raisins Morning snack: Banana and cup of tea Lunch: Salad with mushrooms, cucumber, and avocado Afternoon snack: Pria bar with 8oz Powerade an hour later Workout from 4-5: Run 1:00, then walk 2:00 - repeat 10x; 30 minutes of upper body Dinner: Broiled chicken breast (see book); salad or veggies on the side

For all intents and purposes, Jimmy and I are indeed back together. I've never been happier with him than I have been since we broke up, actually. We're communicating, we're having fun together, and we're totally in love. I love him more than I ever have. And what's better is that we're balanced. We need each other, but not in an unhealthy way. We each have our own things to tend to now, and we see each other enough, but not too much. If I still spend a lot of time with him, it's because all my other friends are generally unavailable. But I spend a lot of time by myself as well. Things are just RIGHT with us. Why am I bitter? I'm imagining my friends and family, their eyes widening in shock as they say, "Oh. Well, that's good, I guess." I'm imagining their raised, judgmental eyebrows as they ask, "Are you sure about this?" And I'm imagining the hushed whispers and disappointed stares as I turn away. These are not people wh...

... New Year's Resolutions. Ready to be made and then broken. But hopefully not for a while. - I will not buy anymore yarn until I use up all of the yarn I just bought and designated on my queue for specific projects. - I will go through my yarn stash and clear out at least a whole box of yarn to donate/give away. - I will not have more than 4 WIPs at any given time. - I will eat at least three meals every day that I pre-plan. No more skipping breakfast. - I will work out at least ten minutes every day, making sure to do both cardio and weights. - I will get back into roller derby. - I will actually stick to my HALF marathon training this time. - I will try to go to bed by 11 and wake up by 6:30, at least on work days. - I will try to get all relatively small assignments graded within a week and all large assignments graded within two weeks. - I will turn in my grades well ahead of the grading window deadline. - I will stick to my budget and not create dire financial situations for...