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It's been a rough couple of weeks.

To say the least.

In this episode of the further adventures of Thu Is A Parent Now, Thu deals with a legitimately sick Jolie these past two weeks (meaning, she didn't just have a runny nose, although she had that too).

It never cease to amaze me, how many things there are to worry about when you're a parent. When you're a young adult, you generally think you're immune to certain dangerous things - "Oh, I can drive a bit faster, I'll be FIIIINE," or "Meh, I don't need a jacket in this weather, I'll be FIIIINE." But when you're a parent, it's no longer just you. When you were young, it was fine to walk around in the rain in flip flops, but as a parent, I need to make damn sure that my daughter has socks and proper shoes to keep her feet dry and warm. I need to obey speed laws, especially in the rain. Etc, etc. Everything that I'm normally afraid of, PLUS a lot of the things that I'm not, are now all Threats To My Daughter's Health and Well-Being.*

So last week, Jolie started wheezing. When she breathed through her mouth, she sounded like the girl from the Exorcist, with that throaty dual pitch growl. She could breathe through her nose fine, but it was obvious that her throat had some sort of irritation and a TON of phlegm. Like, I could hear it rattling when she coughed or breathed.

She was starting to get better, but then on Wednesday she coughed so hard that she threw up :( Which she's NEVER done before. She hardly ever even throws up - the amount of times she's legitimately vomited can be counted on one hand. So of course that freaked me out. But then she was fine.

And then on Friday night, I noticed that she was developing a bump rash ALL OVER HER LEGS, and a little on her hands and abdomen. Another thing she's never done before. Her doctor said that it's just part of her body dealing with the cold virus or whatever she's got, but it was pretty freaky. (Want to see photos? I took some for her doctor.)

So... she's slowly getting better. She's pretty cranky at times, but she's recovering, but it's still pretty worrisome to me. And the internet is no help at all. Ever hear of medical student syndrome? Where you suddenly start thinking you have all the diseases you're reading about? It's not really encouraging when you google "Sore throat" and "rash" and the first two things that pop up are "strep throat" and "scarlet fever." GREAT. THANKS. Not to mention that, in addition, Jimmy's been sick too, and he's convinced he has the flu, even though Jolie didn't have the flu, but then we were both worrying that she would get it from him, and I've been worried about getting sick because I've been really stressed out dealing with this and work, and not getting enough sleep. I'm the last bastion of semi-good health in this apartment, and I need to stand my ground.

My point, though, is that a sore throat, though normally not a problem for me, suddenly becomes a huge issue when it's your child. Because you don't know whether it's just a sore throat or whether it's strep throat, or whooping cough, or the goddamn avian flu. And it's so hard to see her so cranky or unhappy or to even hear her cough. The world suddenly becomes a much scarier place when your child is in it, because there's so much more that you have to protect her from than you would protect yourself from, and it completely changes your perspective on how you live your own life. Because what's almost as bad as my child suffering? ME suffering, to the point where I wouldn't be able to care for her. So 1) I have to keep her well, and 2) I have to keep MYSELF well, for her. And trying to keep TWO people well... well, that's an exponentially bigger task than just keeping myself well, for myself.



*Including the zombie apocalypse. I'm terrified of zombies, like, REALLY. My Zombie Contingency Plan has always been to off myself before they could get to me. But ever since I had a baby... well, I can't go with that plan anymore. I can't leave her alone to fend for herself, and I certainly can't... well, you know. So I guess that means we just have to survive. But I think I would be TERRIBLE at surviving zombies, and especially with a baby in my arms... I think we're both goners. Let's hope this never happens. Yes, these things keep me up at night. It's a real fear for me.